Posts Tagged ‘caregiving’


WordPress provides certain stats about hosted blogs, including search terms that lead people to this blog in particular. I got a lot more page views when I was posting weekly and when I had more important things to say. I guess lots of people were very interested in mom’s condition, but not so many are interested in mine.

Over the past 30 days, these are the search terms that brought people here:

i will remember my mother 2
prayer of a daughter 2
why did bodhidharma come from the west 1
praying for daughter to do the right thing 1
lung cancer prayer 1
eulogy for mom from daughter 1
+free thanksgiving prayer to my daughter 1
mom’s eulogy 1
prsyrd for mother to rest in peace 1
ssmallpoems about mom going to heaven but always knowing she be there 1
rest in peace momma 1
prayer for eulogy 1
rest in peace prayers 1
prayer for a daughter who seems not to listen 1
loss of a daughter prayer 1

Some of these search terms are interesting. I have no idea why “why did Bodhidharma come from the west” pointed people to my page. This is a Zen koan, so maybe the fact that I tagged some posts with Zen made a difference. Kind of interesting. If Buddhists are finding their way here interested in learning how to deal with things like losing a mother to a terminal illness, I’d point them to Brad Warner’s books. He’s much more eloquent than I. (Also, I do have to say that I worry about people who think they’re going to find an answer to that koan on the Internet. It’s a koan, which by definition has no answer. So get back to your meditation cushions, people.)

I also like “prayer for a daughter who seems not to listen.” I wonder about that parent. I assume it’s a mother, but I guess I can’t know for sure. I think we all go through a stage in our teenage years when we stop listening to our parents. It’s a difficult time for everyone. I have a feeling that printing out a pre-made prayer for such a daughter would only make things worse. 😉

I was looking around at all the 17- and 18-year olds in my dance class last Wednesday. They all seem so young to me, but I’m still young enough to remember what I felt like when I was that age, how old I felt and how I felt so sure that I knew everything, or at least more than my parents did. I see so much potential in their faces: innocence, youth, boundless future. And there is no way to tell those girls that they have that inside of them. They can’t listen. It’s an impossibility. It’s like that speech Baz Luhrmann gave to a graduating class…there’s in line there that goes something like,

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, nevermind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

100% true. Anyway, I hope that people who randomly make their way to this blog find something of value to them. Our own personal experience are valueless if we cannot find a way to put them to use in serving others.

I realized this when I ran into a co-worker (we’ll call D) the other day who said she had been out visiting a friend in the hospital. I asked her if her friend was okay, and then the conversation turned…she told me her mother had metastasized breast cancer. Her mom’s 71, and she’s living with D. I said, “Oh, so you’re the primary caregiver?” and then D said that she was and that her father was living with them too, but he had Parkinson’s.

Oh. My. Goodness.

“You need a hug!” was my first reaction, and so I gave her one. “I’m here if you need to talk,” was my second. Now that I’m on the other side of the fence, I think that’s the best thing one could say to a caregiver. Caregiving is HARD. I was not a full-time caregiver, but the time that I spent caring for my mom was extremely taxing. I cannot imagine having a stage IV mother and a father with Parkinson’s living with me. (Her husband is there, too, so I guess there’s that…but what kind of toll is this taking on the marriage?!) Hugs are good. As is empathy. And having someone to talk with who’s been through something similar has to be a blessing. I hope I can be of service. To her and to everyone who is going through something like this.


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